Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
