Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
