My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
