I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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