He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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