I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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