I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
