3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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