Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Randomize
