i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
