We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
