Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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