Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
