Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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