I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
