Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
