my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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