I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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