We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
