home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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