Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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