oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
