I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
