Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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