party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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