There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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