Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
