I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I love you.
Bad choice
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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