i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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