You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
