so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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