I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
