Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
