Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
there's paper in my vomit.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
