Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
