The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
