I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
