Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
