Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
