we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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