the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
