You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How external is "for external use only"?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
