I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
