Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
