There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
