Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
