Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
