We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
