drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
