At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
