if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
